


Spoiler Alert

by zarahjoyce



Series: Game of Texts [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: AU where they are actors, Crack, F/M, Gen, Humor, Modern Setting, Oops, meta-level bullshit i guess, text style, this has no sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 07:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18988147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarahjoyce/pseuds/zarahjoyce
Summary: Jon Snow:It's obvious, isn't it? What's gonna happen, I mean?Sansa Stark:Not really, no. The writers are making everything as shady as possible. Last minute effort to make everything ~mysterious~ and ~edgy~. Because ~poetic cinema~Jon Snow:That can't be good.Sansa Stark:It's shitty, that's what it is. I mean, not for my character, obviously. Just for the main ones.Jon Snow:....Jon Snow:I'm one of the main characters????





	Spoiler Alert

**Jon:**  Hey, Sans.  
  
**Sansa:**  Hey! What's up?   
  
**Jon:** Nothing much. Just browsing through the script.  
  
**Sansa:** Just now?  
  
**Jon:** Yeah. Didn't want to spoil the ending for myself, y'know?  
  
**Sansa:** Hate to break it to you, but you kinda have to?  
  
**Sansa:** playing the character and all?  
  
**Sansa:** LOL  
  
**Jon:** I know, I know, but I'm feeling a bit, I don't know. Sad?  
  
**Sansa:** That the show's ending? I get you. I mean, the pay's nice and all. And the exposure's awesome.  
  
**Jon:** Plus, you know, hanging out with the cast and crew and all. That was fun.   
  
**Sansa:** I heard you treated all the crew to dinner.  
  
**Jon:** Yeah. It's the least I can do for them.  
  
**Sansa:** You're sweet.

**Jon:** You think so?  
  
**Sansa:** Sweetling, EVERYONE thinks so.  
  
**Jon:**...even you?  
  
**Sansa:** EVERY. ONE.  
  
**Jon:** Right. That's... thanks.  
  
**Sansa:** no probs.  
  
**Jon:** So, um. Have you read your script yet?  
  
**Sansa:** Yeah. There's not much room for me in the finale, though. Which is fine. Totally fine.  
  
**Jon:** Why not?  
  
**Sansa:** You honestly want spoilers?  
  
**Jon:** Sure, why not?  
  
**Sansa:** But, like. If I tell you what happens to my character it's kind of like I'm spoiling things for YOUR character, too. I mean our characters ARE related, after all.  
  
**Jon:** Cousins, Sans. They're cousins.  
  
**Jon:** They can marry each other.  
  
**Jon:** NOT IN REAL LIFE THOUGH! I mean. In the script. In the show.  
  
**Jon:** Because that's... a thing.

**Sansa:** ....right.  
  
**Sansa:** Like I said. Related.  
  
**Jon:** Right.  
  
**Sansa:** So. Spoiler alert or d'you really want to know things in your own sweet time?  
  
**Sansa:** Which is like until tomorrow morning. Table reading and all.  
  
**Jon:** It's obvious, isn't it? What's gonna happen, I mean?  
   
 **Sansa:** Not really, no. The writers are making everything as shady as possible. Last minute effort to make everything ~mysterious~ and ~edgy~. Because ~poetic cinema~  
  
**Jon:** That can't be good.  
  
**Sansa:** It's shitty, that's what it is. I mean, not for my character, obviously. Just for the main ones.  
  
**Jon:**....  
  
**Jon:** I'm one of the main characters????  
  
**Sansa:** Tumblr begs to disagree with you. They call you a highly paid, glorified extra.  
  
**Sansa:** A sexy one. With sexy manbun.  
  
**Sansa:** A sexy extra with a manbun who's capable only of saying one line - "My QuEeEnN".  
  
**Jon:** It's not my fault my character's being sidelined like this! I played the character like he has depths, you know? Like he has plans underneath the sexy manbun. My character can be dumb but he's not stupid.   
  
**Jon:** I stand by how I play him.  
  
**Sansa:** Preaching to the choir, Jon. Everyone's getting a bit shafted. I once heard Jamie laughing about how his character's regressed. And Cersei was really vocal about how hers was reduced to this wine-drinking queen who does absolutely nothing but look outside her window.    
  
**Jon:**...do I want to know how their characters die? I mean, they do die, right?  
  
**Sansa:** In the most anti-climactic way possible, I'm sorry to say.  
  
**Jon:** They were executed?  
  
**Sansa:** Sure, let's go with that. Deaths by stoning. Except there's no one to throw the stones at them except gravity. And the stones are bricks.  
  
**Jon:**...what?  
  
**Sansa:** READ THE SCRIPT, JON. READ AND WEEP WITH THE REST OF US.  
  
**Sansa:** WELL NOT ME BECAUSE I GET TO BE QUEEN IN THE FUCKING NORTH.   
  
**Sansa:** SSSSSORRY THAT WAS A SPOILER.  
  
**Jon:** Sophie gets to be the QITN?  
  
**Sansa:** ABOUTFUCKINGTIME, wouldn't you say? After all the shitty things she put up with. Girl gets to be happy.  
  
**Sansa:** I mean not too happy, because she ends up ruling alone.  
  
**Jon:**...  
  
**Sansa:** That's not a spoiler, by the way. I mean she's always alone.  
  
**Jon:** That's not true. Kit's been with her all along.  
  
**Sansa:** Yeahhh no. We were had.   
  
**Jon:** What are you talking about?  
  
**Sansa:** READ THE SCRIPT, JON.  
  
**Sansa:** And then weep with the rest of us.  
  
**Sansa:** You're not replying. I'm assuming you're reading the script.  
  
**Sansa:** So I know you're going to backread this and all and you're welcome to not reply to this ~specifically~, but I've been browsing through Twitter and Tumblr and DO YOU KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE SHIPPING US, JON.  
  
**Sansa:** Well not us 'us' because that's... another thing.  
  
**Sansa:** But as Sophie and Kit? They call the pairing SKIT? It's cute????  
  
**Sansa:** WE HAVE FICS, JON. WE HAVE FAN ARTS. WE HAVE GIFS OHMYGOD. AND TONS OF META. That's what they call things where people try to explain the shit in the show. THESE PEOPLE ARE BRILLIANT AND THEY'RE SHIPPING US.  
  
**Sansa:** I am both delighted and flattered??? Also a bit scared? It's amazing.  
  
**Sansa:** So anyway, here's Wonderwall.  
  
**Sansa:**...Jon?  
  
**Jon:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ENDING  
  
**Sansa:** OH LORD HERE WE GO  
  
**Jon:** This is not-- how am I supposed to interpret this? This goes against EVERYTHING I tried to portray this season.  
  
**Sansa:** Yeah that's what I thought when I read your parts.  
  
**Jon:** KIT CAN NEVER BE IN LOVE WITH A PSYCHOPATH   
  
**Jon:** IT'S LIKE BEING IN LOVE WITH LADY HITLER  
  
**Jon:** WHAT THE FUCK  
  
**Sansa:** LET IT OUT, BRO  
  
**Jon:** I--   
  
**Jon:** WHAT THE FUCK  
  
**Sansa:** Yeah.  
  
**Jon:** Kit was out there protecting his family. Protecting Sophie. He would never-- he's a fucking victim, for fuck's sake! Do they mean to tell me I was supposed to act all in love with THE PERSON WHO WON'T LET ME THE FUCK GO? THE PERSON WHO ASKED ME TO FORGET MY IDENTITY JUST SO WE CAN BE TOGETHER? THE PERSON WHO CONSTANTLY THREATS MY FAMILY BECAUSE FUCK ME THAT'S WHY?  
  
**Jon:** WHAT THE FUCK  
  
**Sansa:** Jon.  
  
**Jon:** And then I get exiled for basically saving the world. HahahaHAHAhaha.  
  
**Jon:** What's that phrase Arya uses? "I can't?" "I can't even?"  
  
**Sansa:** Technically, both are usable in this scenario.  
  
**Jon:** I CANNOT BEGIN TO EVEN.  
  
**Sansa:** THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. I CRY.  
  
**Jon:** FUCKING PETER GETS TO BE HAND OF THE KING WHILE KIT GETS EXILED AND YET THEY BOTH SUPPORTED LADY HITLER'S ACTIONS??? WHY   
  
**Sansa:** There is no justice in the world.  
  
**Jon:** THE ENDING I HAD IN MIND IS THAT KIT GETS TO KILL HER BUT HE'S NOT SORRY BECAUSE HE DID HIS DUTY. HE TRIED TO STOP HER BUT SHE WASN'T STOPPING SO HE KILLED HER. IN SO DOING HE FREED HIMSELF FROM HER SHACKLES AND HE SAVED THE WORLD.  
  
**Sansa:** Side note, is it wrong that I find you using 'in so doing' adorable?  
  
**Jon:** HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK TO HIS FAMILY BECAUSE HE FINALLY CAN. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK TO HIS FAMILY AND MARRY SOPHIE. THAT WAS HOW I PLAYED IT FOR THE PAST THREE SEASONS FOR FUCK'S SAKE! THAT'S WHAT KIT WANTED, NOT THIS FUCKING ENDING!  
  
**Sansa:** Oh my god you're a Skit.  
  
**Jon:** I'm a what?  
  
**Sansa:** You're in the middle of a full-blown freakout. It's your right. Don't let me stop you.  
  
**Jon:** I need-- shit I need to go out. I need to drink.   
  
**Sansa:** Want me to come with you?  
  
**Jon:** Can you?  
  
**Sansa:** I'm offering, aren't I? Besides, I would love to hear more about this headcanon of yours. Headcanon, btw, is what you believe to be true even if it's not shown on the show.  
  
**Jon:** I know what headcanon is. I read fics.  
  
**Sansa:** I'm sorry, what?  
  
**Jon:** What?

**Sansa:** You read fics?   
  
**Sansa:** Are they Skit fics?  
  
**Sansa:** JON????

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this particular gifset:
> 
> https://ice-fireandjonsa.tumblr.com/post/185167642140/itstevebucky-kit-haringtons-reaction-to-jon


End file.
